Catching Up

Sorry about the lack of posts lately, I just haven't been feeling very bloggy lately.
We've had a lot of stuff going on, some big, some small...so here's a quick rundown!




*Lucy had her first dentist appointment on July 1st, and she had cavities on four teeth. :( We went in on Friday August 5th to try to take care of the cavities with nitrous, but it was a no-go. Lucy fought like a tiger, so we had to take her back in on Monday and have her put under general anesthesia. That was a very difficult day for me, but praise God, it went wonderfully. The dentist and anesthesiologist were both wonderful, and Lucy's teeth look perfect. The whole thing took about 45 minutes, and she woke up quickly, a little pissed, but very alert!


*We're getting ready to start homeschooling with Riley (I can't believe he's kindergarten age already!) at the end of this month. I'm nervous, but excited about this new adventure!


*We've started discussing adding another baby to our family again. We still want to adopt, but that's looking like it won't be a possibility for a few more years. Now that our hearts have healed a bit more from our early loss in May, we're considering trying again.

*We have friends from Oregon coming out on Monday! They are bringing their daughter out to go to college near us, and I can't wait to spend some time with! This brings me to my next thought...

*I have a ton of housework to do! And I need to go grocery shopping. I should probably get on that, huh?

*My sister and her husband had their homestudy visit this past week, and things are moving right along with their adoption. I can't wait until they get their referral, and I get to see my sweet new niece's face! I *think* it'll be about 4-6 more months until they get to that point, but I'm praying things come together more quickly than that.


I guess that's it for now! I'm going to try to get back in to the swing of this blogging thing...I have a huge backlog of pictures I need to get through and post, but how about one for now?

My kiddos had so much fun with their cousins in Oregon!

HOME!!!!

Wow, what a long, amazing, fun-filled, exhausting, wonderful trip!

I'm working on uploading pics, and I'll probably do a few separate posts. I can't possibly cover two weeks in one post...well, I could, but that would be one looooong post! How many times do you think I can say 'post' in this post? (Sorry, I'm running on about 1.5 hours of sleep!)


Keep your eyes peeled, more coming soon! :)

All my bags are packed....

....I'm ready to go!

I think. I hope.

We're headed to Oregon tonight, FINALLY! I absolutely cannot wait to see our family and friends again. We haven't seen most of them since we moved to Charlotte nearly 18 months ago! When we left, Lucy was just a tiny little 3 month old baby, Wyatt was just over 2 (and still not talking), and Riley wasn't yet 4!!! They've changed so much in that time....cuh-razy!

We have such a busy two weeks planned! It's gonna be awesome...I just hope we are able to see everyone we want to see, and do everything we want to do! A wedding, a high-school reunion, church, the beach, the zoo, birthday parties, cook-outs, photo sessions...and the list goes on!!!

I may try to blog a bit while I'm there...guess we'll see how busy I am!

Please keep us in your prayers! Flying with three kids...we're gonna need 'em!

Best. Husband. EVAH.

Yep, and he's mine.

Wanna know how I know he's the best? Alright, I'll tell you.

Every morning, he gets up and starts the coffee, gets the kids their milk, and makes breakfast for them. While he is doing all this, I drag my lazy butt to the computer, where I sit for the next hour trying to wake up. When the coffee is done, he makes me a cup and delivers it to me.

When the kids are going crazy, and I'm going crazy, and I have no patience left, he leaves work early to come and rescue me. Then he takes us out to lunch and to meander around Tarjay and the mall.

He does the dishes. Every day. Wanna know the last time I did the dishes? Well, I'd tell you, but I can't even remember. Maybe sometime back in January.

This past Friday, while I went and spent the day hanging out with my sister, he cleaned the entire house. And did laundry. He knew how stressed I was about our upcoming vacation, so he just did it. To help me out. Cause he loves me.

I could keep going, but I'll spare you...for now.

Now ladies, you're probably feeling a little bit jealous right now. Understandable. Pete really is the cat's meow. Does he drive me crazy? Um, yes. Do I sometimes want to poke him in the eyeball? Absolutely. But at the end of the day, I wouldn't want to be with anyone else. He's a wonderful husband, a fantastic father, a great friend, and a man of God. And I love him like crazy. And he loves me, crazy and all.

Choosing Joy: FAIL

This past week has not been the greatest. And that's my fault. I have been doing a TERRIBLE job of choosing joy. I have allowed little things to absolutely ruin my day. Silly things, like this...

After a particularly depressing Friday evening in a fitting room, I decided to start the 30 Day Shred. I don't have weight to lose, just some, um, flabby parts I'd like to firm up (I've had three kids. If you've seen me pregnant, you understand about my belly). I had Pete get the dvd from my sis on Saturday. I got up Sunday morning, threw on some workout clothes, put the dvd in, and was ready to go. Until I realized that the actual workout portion of the dvd could not be started without a remote (you have to scroll down). No problem, just find the remote, right? Yeah, not so much. I turned the entire house upside down. The stupid remote was not to be found (and I still have not found it). I alternated between stomping around the house looking for the remote, crying because I was SO frustrated, and slamming the door to my room because I was so angry. I was also not-so-nice to my sweet hubby and kids. I SUCKED at being wife and mom that day. Over a remote. Well, and the fact that I was feeling very down about myself, and feeling like I couldn't do a thing about it. Like God didn't want me to find the remote, because, well, I don't know (silly, right?)!

The rest of the week has been marginally better.  I'm not being very patient with the kids or the hubster, but I'm trying. I'm stressed to the max because of our upcoming vacation, and when I get stressed, I tend to shut down. I get overwhelmed and can't. do. anything. Until the last minute, of course, when I run around like a chicken with it's head cut off. Pete's got Friday off, so we're going to start tackling our big to-do list together. That should help.


And always, in the back of mind, all day, every day, is the need to decide NOW about how we're going to grow our family, and when. I have been especially conflicted the past few days. My heart is torn in two directions. I KNOW that adoption is in our future. I also KNOW that I want to have another baby the old fashioned way. And my desire for one does not diminish my desire for the other. And I don't know which direction is the right one. My heart ACHES for a little brown-skinned Ethiopian baby girl whose face I've never seen, and my arms ache to hold my little fair-skinned newborn. I'm praying, y'all. Praying hard. And I still just don't know.

*Yawn*

I'm much too tired today to form a coherent post, so how about some bullet points?

*I do not like it when Wyatt is awake in the middle of the night. I especially don't like it when he chooses to ask me for things at 1am, and not his daddy.

*Insomnia sucks.

*It's amazing what you can convince yourself of in the middle of the night when your brain won't shut off.

*I love my kids, even at 1am. And I'm so thankful that they are here, and that they are healthy.

*Pete saw a mouse this morning. I thought we got rid of the mice. Crap.

*My sister got her adoption fundraiser t-shirts today. I want her to bring mine over, cause they look awesome!

*The kids just called me to come kill a big, nasty spider. *shudder*

*I need more coffee. 

20 Months!

That's how old my baby girl is today. Twenty months. Only four more months until her second birthday...she seems to be getting older much faster than the boys did. It's so bittersweet. I am absolutely LOVING watching her personality bloom. She is such a funny, cheeky, sassy little thing (when she's at home with her family, that is), but I can't help but miss my sweet little baby who wanted nothing more than to snuggle her mama.

I realized something the other day. By the time the boys were her age, I was hugely pregnant with the next baby. It's kind of weird...I feel like I should be having a baby in a month or so! Alas, it will likely be years before we have another little one in our home. The more we pray, the more we talk, the more we realize that our next child is meant to come to us through the miracle of adoption. If everything goes according to our plan (Hahaha, yeah right! Nothing ever goes according to plan!), Riley will be 8, Wyatt 6, and Lucy 4 when we bring our child home!!!! That seems like such a LONG time to wait, but if the first 20 months of Lucy's life are any indication, that time is going to FLY!

Speaking of flying, we leave for Oregon in 14 days!!!! YIKES! I can't wait to see all of our family and friends...but I'm not going to lie...I am NOT looking forward to flying with three small children. I am so thankful we were able to get non-stop flights, and they are late flights, so please pray that our children SLEEP! And pray that I am able to get everything done that needs to be done before we leave...I've been ignoring my to-do list for far too long, and now I'm starting to panic!

One more thing before I sign off today. I am blessed to be a part of a wonderful group of women in an on-line community. These women are just incredible, they way they come to together when someone is hurting, the way the celebrate each others joys and triumphs, how we can laugh and cry together at the same time. Last night, UPS brought a package to my door. I was a little confused, and started to worry I had been online shopping in my sleep! Imagine my surprise when I opened the package, and saw this beautiful Willow Tree figure!

Keepsake - "Kept forever in the heart"

 Thank you, girls. So much. Your love and friendship means the world to me! I'm so blessed to have this beautiful treasure, this keepsake of my sweet little baby lost. Love you all so much! Mwuah!!!

How Does Your Garden Grow?

Sometimes, you start with a seed. You water that seed, and you tend to it, and before you know it, you have a beautiful flower. But sometimes, you may be lucky enough to bring home a beautiful flower that simply needs a garden to grow in.

I think it's the same with children. And this is the question Peter and I have been asking ourselves, and asking God. How will OUR garden grow?

My sister and her husband have recently begun their adoption journey (you can follow them at Love Makes a Family ). It's been so incredible, watching God work in their hearts and in their lives...and as is the way of God, He began working in our hearts as well. We've spent time talking, praying, and thinking about our family, and where our next child will come from. We both feel as though we are meant to have another child, but we are beginning to believe that God has a different journey for us this time around.

We have been incredibly blessed with our three kids. I love pregnancy, and birth, and breastfeeding, and all things baby...and I'm lucky that those things come pretty easily for me. But just because we CAN have another child of our own...does it mean that we should? The thought of adopting our next child is exciting, and terrifying, and full of joy, and sadness (because you cannot have adoption without loss, for the child, for their first-mother and father...), but I do know this...if this is where God is calling our family, by gosh, I'm going to take that call.

If this is where our family is led, we hope to begin the process early next year. Adoption is SPENDY, and we need to pay off some debts, and make sure our ducks are in a row before we begin. We are anxious to grow our family, but we are trusting God's timing.

Would you pray with us, and for us, as we make this decision?

That's My Boy!

Riley. My sweet, smart, rambunctious, crazy 5 year old. This kid is just TOO smart for me! I am so blessed to be his mama!

Riley has recently taken a greater interest in writing, and with spelling help from dad, he wrote me this letter last night.

"Mom you'll be a pop star someday" and "Mom you are beautiful"

 

 

 

"Mom you're awesome, You'll be loved forever, love you forever, you're the best, Riley, I love you, to mommy"

 

 

 

 Seriously. Could I ask for a sweeter boy? And I don't know about you, but I am TOTALLY impressed by his penmanship!

So blessed.

The Hurt Before the Healing

You know how bad things happen to other people, and you pray that they will never happen to you? Well, sometimes, they still do.

Peter and I recently decided to add another sweet blessing to our family. Imagine my joy on that Friday when I saw those two pink lines after only 2 months of trying! That joy quickly changed to worry. I tested for two more days, and those lines never got any darker. In fact, they got lighter. Not a good sign. By Monday, the pregnancy was over.

Just three days. Three days with our fourth baby. To some, that little bundles of cells wouldn't be a life, but to me, it was our child. And, oh, my heart was broken. My heart is still broken, but healing a little more every day. It's only been nine days since our little one left us. I haven't cried in a few days, but putting it into words is bringing back the tears. The first 3 days were the worst. I sobbed, I asked God why I couldn't keep my baby, and I thanked Him for comforting me when I was hurting. Poor Pete wasn't quite sure what to do, so he just hugged me a lot. It was just what I needed.

I still wish I could have kept my baby. But I know that God has amazing plans for our family. And I trust Him. He hasn't let me down yet.

"...the pain you're feeling, can't compare to the joy that's coming..."
Josh Wilson, 'Before the Morning'

Watch Me Bloom...

"Bloom where you are planted."

That's my new motto, my mission statement for my life. I'm learning to bloom. To be a better mama, a better wife, a better friend. To lean more on my Savior, and less on myself.

So follow me on this journey. I'm sure to have bad days, but I know that happiness is a choice, and I am CHOOSING joy!