Peter and I recently decided to add another sweet blessing to our family. Imagine my joy on that Friday when I saw those two pink lines after only 2 months of trying! That joy quickly changed to worry. I tested for two more days, and those lines never got any darker. In fact, they got lighter. Not a good sign. By Monday, the pregnancy was over.
Just three days. Three days with our fourth baby. To some, that little bundles of cells wouldn't be a life, but to me, it was our child. And, oh, my heart was broken. My heart is still broken, but healing a little more every day. It's only been nine days since our little one left us. I haven't cried in a few days, but putting it into words is bringing back the tears. The first 3 days were the worst. I sobbed, I asked God why I couldn't keep my baby, and I thanked Him for comforting me when I was hurting. Poor Pete wasn't quite sure what to do, so he just hugged me a lot. It was just what I needed.
I still wish I could have kept my baby. But I know that God has amazing plans for our family. And I trust Him. He hasn't let me down yet.
"...the pain you're feeling, can't compare to the joy that's coming..."
Josh Wilson, 'Before the Morning'
"....So hold on, you gotta wait for the light. Press on and just fight the good fight. 'Cause the pain that you've been feeling, it's just the dark before the morning." I've been there, Ashleigh. Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry. I know how you feel as I have recently lost as well. I cried so much and Fer didn't really know what to do either. I thought I did everything right and why should I lose my baby when there are people out there popping them out and they don't even care.
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself. It will happen again and it will make the next baby even more special.
Thinking of you.
SOrry mamma. I have gone thru that. You will dance with them in Heaven :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Ash! It's amazing how even when you just find out that your pregnant how quickly you feel attached and love them! I've been there...you will have better days. And the thing that helped me the most...knowing you will see them again and be able to shower them with the love you have when you do! Keep trying...God will answer your prayers for another little one. <3
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